_{*Quick Summary: The author visits the grave of his sister.*}

Today I visited my sister Michelle for the first time since her burial. 22 years is a long time, but also a blink of an eye. While I know it’s only her body buried in that cemetery, there were some things I still had left to tell her, and for me, there was no other place to go to get that off my chest.

On the 70 mile drive there I thought it would be good if I paid tribute to her the best way I knew how. She used to love the John Boy and Billy Show, so I put that on the radio for a while. She used to work at Bojangles’, so I stopped there and got a couple of sausage biscuits for the trip. She introduced me to putting mustard on my sausage biscuits, and even though I didn’t ask for it, and the fact they’ve never done this before, Bojangles’ put two packets of mustard in with my order this morning. She used to like Cheerwine, so I grabbed one of those as well. It was like the day lined up perfectly for a tribute to her.

When I got there, I sat at her headstone and cleaned it. I trimmed the overgrown grass and weeds off, and washed it with water and a couple of brushes. It’s one of the few things I can do for her now. I also talked. I told her I was mad at her. Still. After all these years. I told her I had searched my heart and I thought I’d forgiven her several times, but I was still not sure I truly had. I was here to finally let some things go, and I did. I said some pretty harsh things while I was scrubbing away and crying. Like I said above, 22 years can be a long time. 

Before I left, I felt forgiveness enter my heart. Truly. So I told her I forgive her. I do. I truly do forgive her now. Then I said some pretty nice things to make up for the harsh things earlier.

I told her she would be proud of her girls. So proud. 

I told her a lot of other positive things, and I ended it on my terms this time – with a simple “I love you.”.